Nannypalooza how to tell somebody something they dont want to hear
Presented to the Nanny's at Nannypalooza April 12, 2014 on behalf of Parents Forum of Cambridge MA.
Published on: Mar 3, 2016
Transcripts - Nannypalooza how to tell somebody something they dont want to hear
HOW TO TELL EMPLOYERS
RATHER NOT HEAR
William SharpWilliam Sharp
Boston Graduate School ofBoston Graduate School of
617 216 3871617 216 3871
What Works/What Doesn’t
Know Want to know
At the end, you should be able to:
1) Identify your own reasons for saying something
2) Apply guidelines for effective interactions with
3) List steps to change your approach
This work is heavy on YOU!
What are yours?
“I believe…” change happens slowly
Talk is cheap.
Choose your top 3 values.
What does this tell you about yourself?
How might anyone of these values help you when
working with a client?
How might anyone of these values hinder you when
working with a client?
CLIENT WILL ADJUST WHEN YOU DO.
WHEN YOU INTERVENE
Remember it is because of what you think, value
ALL BEHAVIOR IS AN
YOU WANT TO
UNDERSTAND IT FIRST
TO MAKE DECISIONS…
THE LION WON’T EAT ME-
I AM A VEGETARIAN
Remember, the more regressed, the more likely it
comes down to fight or flight.
Keep people out of their critter brains! (Feed,
fight, flee, f@$#%, Freeze)
WE BELIEVE WE ARE
WHO FEEL, BUT WE ARE
GUIDELINES FOR INTERVENING
Join their perceptions to get a better
understanding of the situation.
Remember, you are in charge and
just because you are listening to
them doesn’t mean you agree with
You can be friendly, but you cant be their
TALK TALK TALK.. .use your thoughts
and feelings to show words have a power
without a side effect.
Find creative ways to be with them
Try new things to see results
Get consultations and help
Count to 125
EXPLORATION WITH THE CHILD
Object oriented questions
Avoid YOU, use I or talk to the universe
Share your adult ego with those who
are thin skinned.
Ask what you are supposed to do
Read up on Active Listening…
HOW DO I USE ANGER?
(*MINE AND THEIRS)
Meet them where they are.
Be the mature adult.
Never work harder than them!
Optimal Frustration is the key to change.
Consultation, Training, Supervision, Therapy ????
The Blame Game
The Righteous Game
Remember- families come to you with
solutions – not problems!!!
defenses, ways of being, etc. that have evolved in
Respect and leave them
Try to see if they are interested in other solutions.
WHY DO THIS WORK?
Only work that
promotes growth and
ego development in
both client and
therapist [or care giver]
is worth what
[it] costs both to do.
- Margaret Little
K-W-L AND EVALUATION
What have we learned?
What are you going to do now?
THE SIGNIFICANCE OF ZOMBIES?
Stay Together. Keep safe.
Stay together. We are changing
Boston Graduate School of
Interested in taking a Myer-Briggs type test:
Good books for teachers
Reaching the Unreachable Child, Shelia Zaretsky
Good books for Parents
Emotional Muscle, John and Kerry Novick (ages 0-
5, but it applies to ALL of us! )
GOOD BOOKS ON ADOLESCENT
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me
and Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parent's Guide to the
How talk so your teen will listen.
Good as well:
I’d listen to my parents if they’d just shut up.
When we are in public, pretend you don’t know me.
Trust me mom, everyone is is going
Yes, Your Teen is Crazy
I’m not mad, I just hate you.
THEORETICAL BUT GOOD
Modern Psychoanalysis in the Schools, William
Resolving Resistances, Leslie Rosenthal
SOMETHING I LIKE TO REVIEW NOW
AND THEN ABOUT THE LD CHILD.
Have you ever told someone to look at something
harder? How about bribing them instead of
intervening to help? How about threatening them
when the bribe didn’t work? Have you ever
blamed the victim (“you are not
2 OF 3
If you were learning disabled, do you see how you
might avoid taking risks? Do you see how lack of
reinforcement for the right answer and
punishment for the wrong answer can lead you to
not wanting to respond to surprises in class?
3 OF 3
Fair and Equal? Have you ever used the “its not
fair to others” argument to not help someone who
Dr. William Sharp
617 216 3871
One Harvard St., Brookline MA 02445
617 566 2200
School Based Counseling
Boston Institute for Psychotherapy