Pressure of the World<br />When I was in Junior High I was a typical teenage girl. I was in love with clothes and make-up...
Pressure Of The World
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Pressure Of The World

Published on: Mar 4, 2016
Published in: Health & Medicine      Entertainment & Humor      

Transcripts - Pressure Of The World

  • 1. Pressure of the World<br />When I was in Junior High I was a typical teenage girl. I was in love with clothes and make-up and friends and all the normal things girls my age think are important. My love for these things came from images of girls on TV and in magazines. I wanted to look just like them. Unfortunately, one thing common in all those girls I admired so much was their weight, or lack of weight, rather. It didn’t take long for me to develop a body image of myself that was overweight. I was always comparing my young body to the other girls at school who I thought were thinner than me all because of the way the world portrays beauty. It was telling me that unless I was a size 0, I couldn’t be attractive and I bought every word of it. I started to come up with ways to lose weight in a short period of time and decided it would be easiest if I ate less, or stopped eating completely. I knew that my family was busy with their own agendas and wouldn’t check up on me and if I was careful enough I just might be able to get away with it. <br />First I began skipping breakfast in the mornings before school. I figured out if I took a little longer to get ready in the morning or if I slept a few extra minutes in my nice warm bed, I simply “didn’t have time” for breakfast. It was hard at first. I was hungry all morning because my body was used to getting fuel before I started my day. By the time lunch time came I usually couldn’t take the pain of my stomach beating me up for not feeding it when it asked that I broke down and ate more than I would have if I would have just eaten breakfast in the first place. After repeating this cycle for a while, my body started to be accustomed to not receiving its supply of food in the morning. When I realized it was becoming easier to skip breakfast, I moved on to the next step of my plan.<br />Lunches were taken out of the picture. This time I didn’t even cut them out gradually, I just stopped packing a lunch. I was completely fine with this step since I always found it somewhat of a chore to make a lunch; one less thing to do in the morning. When my friends asked me why I didn’t have anything to eat I made up excuses. It was either, “Oh, I didn’t have time,” or “We had nothing in the house to make a lunch,” or “Crap! I forgot it at home. I’ll eat later.” Once again, my body went through long periods of hunger and pain and screamed at me for starving it, but I was starting to see results so I pushed through. I kept in my mind that I would have to eat supper at home later because my family ate together most evenings and I couldn’t expose my little secret. I had to be skinnier.<br />I was able to keep things going for a few months without anyone really saying anything, other than the occasional question of where my lunch was, and I was losing weight. Then my friends started watching me. They began to really notice how little I was eating when I was around them and became concerned. I began trying to avoid sitting with them for the whole lunch period by staying late after class and going to the washroom to escape their knowing gazes. There was no way I could let myself stop now. I kept telling them that I was fine and I was in control; it was no big deal. Little did I know, my little secret had taken a tight grip on me and was quickly maturing into a big deal. I was eating nothing at all during the day anymore and for supper I took the smallest portions I thought I could get away with. When my parents commented on how little food I had taken, I lied to them saying, “I had a really big lunch today”. What I didn’t know was my friends had become so concerned that they had gone to the assistant principle of my school and told her everything.<br />Miss Bonin started to pay closer attention to me during lunch and asking me if I was ok during class and in the hallways. Finally she called me down to the office and sat me down. She told me she and my friends had noticed me not eating and that I was well on my way to having a huge problem. It was then I realized that all this time I had thought I was in control, but I really wasn’t. The pressures of the world around me had taken over my own need to eat and I was hurting myself in order to look the way I thought the world wanted me to look. I had become the world’s little puppet without being conscious of it and no matter how hard my body tried to tell me to give it fuel I couldn’t let myself win. The free will I thought I possessed to fix my problem had all been an illusion that the rest of the world saw through. With a lot of help from my assistant principle, my mom, and the school councilor, I finally returned my eating habits to normal, but first I had to lessen the demands of the media and take control of my own body. This experience really showed me that in order to pursue my own well-being, my free will could not be taken away by external forces.<br />

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